Friday, July 11, 2008

Melty Plastic People Making Fires

I have done it, I have done it. I made it to my destination without making a weepy phone call begging my parents for money. It helps when you don't miss your airplane and don't pay $100 dollars to get there.
Friends and Family I am staying in the one year calm of Belfast. Of course I refer to the age old religious riff of Cathi-s and Prote-s. As I type, there is a group of drunken Irishmen (that turned out to not be a cliche) bellowing out old military hymns about the bodies of catholics burning or something pleasantly similar to that motif. I saw one year calm because last year marks the incident of faith-based voilence. I guess you could call it Daddy-issues on a grander scale. "My God's better than your God."
"No my God is way better than your God."
"Oh yeah my God can clear an entire island of snakes."
"Oh yeah, my God can create printing and make literature available to people in any walk of life."
"You can't read."
"Well neither can you."
"Your Mom."
"Your Pa."
"I'm going to kill one of your leaders."
"Well I'm going to blow-up your children."
"I hate my Father..."
"I hate my priest too..."
With that slight detour concluded I will now explain how I was kicked for my God-given talent of snoring at, what I presume is, an illegal decibel. I went to sleep and attempted to plug in my CPAP machine otherwise known as the fighter pilot get-up. Well the piece of sleep saving device would not start. I tried for several seconds and it just wouldn't work. I want to bed offering a silent prayer to both the Protestant and Catholic God, not knowing which one worked at my current local, and asked that I wouldn't snore too loud, because I knew asking to not snore was a miracle too large to ask. I was awoken when a man kicked at my bed and told me know one could sleep because of my "racket." I told him I was sorry but that I couldn't get my machine to work. He told me to sleep on my side. I said fine but knew in my heart this jack-ass would probably kick on my bed. I called him a jack-ass because only moments before did he say I was F@cking ridiculous. This is when I prayed to both God's to give me the patience to not end the year of religious peace. I fell asleep. I again was woken by someone kicking me and verbally abusing me. This was turning into my worst hostel experience ever. I said I was sorry and tried to stay up so he could fall asleep before me. Again the familiar kick, it was at this point I started intentionally snoring. I blocked airways and slept on my stomach and even cupped my hand over my mouth to amplify my lung seizures. In my mind I thought if I can't sleep neither can you. He woke me up again, and again. Finally I moved into the hallway and slept on the floor. At about, 7 AM I woke back up and went into the room. He was just getting up so I thought what is the worst thing I could. It was snore as he packs up to leave. I gave him the best send off I could offer. I hope that he is punished by both Gods.
Today is the day before marching day. They celebrate by lighting a fire larger than Cuddles house. I will report more later.

1 comment:

Laura said...

Who doesn't bring earplugs when they stay at hostels anyway? (I always do.) While your story made me laugh, I am so sorry about your worst hostel night ever and I hope your trip vastly improves.