Saturday, May 17, 2008

Saturation; Evapiration

How many have felt trapped in that spot that drives them to achieve but never release themselves to move beyond that desire. Today has once again been an uneventful "relaxing" day at the family ranch in Alpine yet I feel anxious. I am almost twenty-five and wonder will I achieve anything of merit. I am not naive enough to suppose I am the first to have these desires of grandeur. Yet I look around and see people living life and pursuing goals. I see teenagers competing before nations and wonder if that is success and why can't I have that. However, then I feel ashamed because I have let "reality" TV inform me on how I should feel about my life. Then I start to wonder when did I stop living and let TV live for me. I knew I had to get outside into "the world." But then again, it was only practical, I had empty containers to throw away. I stepped outside and heard bees and wondered if I'd be tested and asked if everything tasted the same. Above me were trees being pollinated by the cheapest landscaping crew I know and if it hadn't been for I.C.E. maybe more of them would have stayed around last year. Just in front of me stands the bulk of my two years of work in the form of a black M3. It's dirty just as I'll probably always let it be. I step in front of it and gap the lid from the trash can. In you go McDonald's, Wendy's, and Costco. Your convenience was formidable but your useless leftovers must decompose. Stream, Stream, give said my conscience to me because I'm stuck in between fear and achievement, life and death, saturation and evapiration. Then when my thoughts get away from me I often notice beyond the storm something calm and clean. A cloud contracts and releases changes states into what it once was and what it will become. white, opaque, blue, success, failure, shame. When we stand out we our destined to become the same.
-this is an experiment don't be weirded out. I kind of just let my thoughts go.

1 comment:

whit said...

I am so weirded out.